oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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