I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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