My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
