Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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