I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
