Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
