I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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