xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
