no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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