you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
