so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
