he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
