it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
