yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
