I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
