Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
