I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
