just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
