I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
