Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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