True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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