I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
