I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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