I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
