Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
