Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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