This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
