After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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