I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
