You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
