My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
