Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
