I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
