i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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