Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
