Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
