did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
