don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
