Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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