I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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