No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
