yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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