So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
