Everything about him screamed your future.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
