Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
