I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
