Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
