New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
