Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
