i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Betty ford says i'm here all night
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i now understand why vodka
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
