so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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