Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize