Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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