Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
