I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
