Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
