so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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