you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
