The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
