remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
