I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
