yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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