The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize