spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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