And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
