I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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