from now on my penis is your penis
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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