HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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