first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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