Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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