dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
