if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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