I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
