I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
