I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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